Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
