he puts the penis in happiness.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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