so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
