my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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