if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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