If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
