I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I still have a little drunk in my system
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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