We named our party play list daddy issues
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
