Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
