At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
