Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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