We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
