She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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