Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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