census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
