i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He has the fingertips of a God
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