he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He keeps bees of course he's weird
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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