all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
