So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
