my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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