How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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