A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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