My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
