More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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