Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
