Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
