this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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