the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think my moral compass just broke
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
