so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
