She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize