At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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