so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
