When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
