you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
