I wanna bring you to show and tell
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
