i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
