I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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