forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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