i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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