Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
