Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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