There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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