I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We named our party play list daddy issues
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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