Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
