remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
