My first STD was from a foam party
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
