Sponge bath it is.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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