i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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