everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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