Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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