If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
