Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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