We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
