so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize