Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
