It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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