Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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