Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
