youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
