I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Pants are for mortals
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
