just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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