Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
