Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
