I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
