I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
