I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize