Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
