i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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