guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
