god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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