he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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