I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
