miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
