OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
