I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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