Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
its liver damage thursday
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
