either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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